| .17 |
[23 Apr 2012|10:45pm] |
[ Warded Private ]
I should feel worse about that.
I feel awful. I do. She needs help, not questioning. And yet there was nothing else to be done - if someone had written that they were glad of the Death Eaters, that tip would've tipped itself.
I am technically aiding a vigilante myself. Is it hypocritical of me to send the DMLE off on potential tips like that, or is it smart? If I hadn't have reported it, would someone have thought I was being soft? Would they have questioned my judgment? Might it have led to Dorcas, who has already been attacked by the Death Eaters, and rescued by the Order?
I...
...am a coward.
[ /Ward ]
|
|
| .17 |
[22 Apr 2012|05:56pm] |
[ Warded to DMLE Heads]
As disgusting as I feel reporting it
One potential Order accomplice as admitted here.
I doubt it's anything. But we've followed-through with less.
[ /Ward ]
|
|
| .16 |
[17 Apr 2012|11:37am] |
Self-defense instructions beyond rock-throwing! Call me an optimist but surely this is a step in the right direction.
[ Warded Private ]
I've tried to digest my thoughts regarding Dorcas's extracurriculars and have come to the conclusion that it's better not to consider them with anything resembling organized thought.
I don't approve of vigilantism. I can safely say that, I think, and mean it wholeheartedly. It complicates the legal process, and it answers to no one. Trusting that the Order of the Phoenix will take the necessary step back when and if Voldemort is defeated is not a gamble I am particularly willing to take. While I can admire their passion, I cannot stand their methods.
However.
I will readily agree that lumping them in to the same category as the Death Eaters is hysterical at best and misleading at worst. I will also admit that if I were confronted with the Death Eater who ruined me I would have difficulty allowing the law alone to finish him.
The question in all this is if I accept Dorcas with whatever dubious ties she possesses. And I can answer with very little thought "of course".
But even with thought, the answer is the same. It is not simple, perhaps, but hardly anything is. And secrets are something in which I have practise in indulging.
[ /Ward ]
[ Warded to Anne ]
Dorcas is spending some time at my flat. While I acknowledge that you are incapable of not reading into this statement of fact, I was wondering if you might apply your expansive wealth of knowledge to recommend someone who might double-check my wards. They were done a few months ago but I'd like a second-opinion.
[ /Ward ]
|
|
| .15 |
[11 Apr 2012|09:54pm] |
[ Warded to Connie Moody ]
Will they be all right?
[ /Ward ]
Good job to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.
|
|
| .14 |
[04 Apr 2012|09:00pm] |
[ Warded to Dorcas Meadowes ]
As per your previous request: my blood is distressingly sans alcohol, and I am still in love with you. Apparently affection is not incumbent upon inebriation.
[ / Ward ]
I am thinking of a number between 1 and 100; let's see who among you has the best Sight.
|
|
| .13 |
[31 Mar 2012|05:40pm] |
[ Warded to Friends/Family, Minus Dorcas Meadowes ]
Let's say, hypothetically, that you fucked up someone's day on their birthday. What's the timeline on apologising? Obviously this apology will be in a heartfelt manner, preferably while hiding behind a door or a cabinet or something for protection, but I wasn't certain if the day after is best, or perhaps giving the person a little more time to cool off might be best as well.
[ /Ward ]
|
|
| 12. |
[25 Mar 2012|07:59pm] |
Not to sound like-- well, me, but for the next morale-boosting thing, why don't we ditch sensitivity training and the whole of the Ministry just gets free cigarettes for a month?
No, no - hear me out. The bigots are going to stay bigoted, after all, even if they're expected to draw their "flower-selves" or whatever bollocks we're currently pedaling in our sensitivity training. These people have been taught from birth by Mummy and Daddy that they're superior life-forms because they shit in a magical loo instead of a Muggle one and by God I'm inclined to let them continue thinking that provided that their idiocies are dealt with on a strict one-on-one basis with their immediate leader or we might employ a public stoning. I hear they were fun, and I was always terribly sad to have missed out on the public stoning era. PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY.
And then all that time, energy, and money can be spent on something that's really wonderful and team-building: cigarettes. Because Merlin knows I'd rather die from emphysema and heart failure than Death Eaters.
For those health-conscious among you, they can provide you lot with wheatgerm or something else; I hardly care. Go eat grass.
[ Warded to Dorcas Meadowes ]:
And so how are we celebrating your birthday this year? I realise things are a bit mad at the moment. I'm terribly flexible. Read into that all you wish. No really. Go on.
|
|
| 11. |
[22 Mar 2012|09:52pm] |
It's truly best not to go pursuing Inferi when you can't run away from them with anything resembling speed. That's a pro-tip learned quite hard.
Thank you, Charlotte, for saving my arse. I suppose I'll never hear the end of it now.
[ Warded to Connie Moody ]
Whatever they told you is highly exaggerated.
[ /Ward ]
|
|
| 10. |
[15 Mar 2012|11:19pm] |
[ Warded to Dorcas Meadowes ]
I currently have three hands and at least twenty-three fingers.
[ /Ward ]
|
|
| .09 |
[05 Mar 2012|07:46pm] |
Putting on my official Ministry hat for a moment: As a reminder, the DMLE cautions you against speaking with any person or persons who you are not familiar with on the journal network. If you receive an unwanted or intrusive comment, please ensure that you are in a safe area and alert a member of the DMLE. Thank you for your cooperation.
Taking off my official Ministry hat: I am single. Again.
|
|
| .08 |
[17 Feb 2012|09:18pm] |
[ Warded Private ]
I will not be a fantastical jackass who resents his sister for getting engaged the same week that an ex-girlfriend gets married. I will be genuinely happy for them both. I will not see it as yet more evidence that I'm going to die a bitter old bastard alone in my empty flat. I will celebrate their happiness and I will not come off as insincere, crabby, or jealous. There's nothing that says that the best of my years have come and gone.
There's also nothing that says I have to be in my mind, tonight.
[ /Ward ]
|
|
| .07 |
[16 Feb 2012|09:11pm] |
Dear Wizarding World,
While I am thrilled that you "got lit", "got laid", and "generally get more arse than a toilet seat", can you please understand that when you leave something like that for general consumption that there is someone somewhere reading your journal for monetary profit (and/or government work) wondering why on earth you even bothered to take a quill to paper?
Sincerely,
Henry Hart
Head Master of Tired of It All
PS: Keep on including photos of your breasts, however, if you feel it illustrates your point.
|
|
| .06 |
[12 Feb 2012|06:02pm] |
[ Warded to DMLE Employees ]
As begun many years before when Moody had a non-receding hairline and the world was new, I invite you all once again to the Annual Valentines-Day-Is-For-Simpletons Night of Drinking, Legal Debauchery, and Half-Remembered Regrets. This year's event will be taking place at the Leaky Cauldron beginning the evening of the 14th to whenever they kick us out.
As a reminder:
- Single people are invited. Happily-marrieds and happily-dating people are invited to kiss my arse.
- If you're having relationship problems, drink alone. No one cares; you are technically still in a relationship.
- We once again have the standing rule that if anyone says the word "Valentine", they take a shot.
- Anne is building our 5-square parchments. Last year's most used squares were "'I can't feel my face'", "'Oh Merlin, why are they playing THAT song'", "someone's arse", and the ever-popular "'I will die alone and my body will be eaten by my pet krup'".
- I will be supplying the chocolates for our now-traditional Grand Construction of the Ministry of Magic. Anyone who knocks it over has to buy us all a round; last year was too tragic to repeat.
- As always, bitterness, voodoo dolls, and photographs of exes for the darts board are encouraged.
- This is all a wash if Something in the Key of Vigilante happens, of course, so mind yourselves if you're on the roster to get called in.
RSVP here.
[ /Ward ]
[ Warded to Dorcas ]
You should go. Puppy eyes, etc.
[ /Ward ]
|
|
| .05 |
[03 Feb 2012|03:25pm] |
[ Warded to the DMLE ]
Ran checks on several of the mystery people who have been leaving worrisome comments on public posts. The following journals are currently in use as of today:
Ms. Gertrude Lentil: deceased as of 12/14/79 [ Dark Army Attack ]
Mr. Howard Yoke: reported missing as of 9/12/80
Mr. Ransom Whig: deceased as of 3/04/80 [ Dark Army Attack ]
I should also mention that all three were witches and wizards of Muggleborn status.
Affected civilians as of noon 2/3/81:
Kelly O'Connor
Catherine Fenwick
Catie McKinnon
Cassius Travers
Indira Greene
Dulcinea Bulstrode
Rodolphus Lestrange
Tamsin Nott
Fletcher Avery
Will proceed with protocol as directed; currently will issue general warning and solicit of assistance. Lucky me; can't wait to see how much they want to eat me
[ /Ward ]
The DMLE is aware of the uninvited influx of unfamiliar comments. If you receive one of these comments, please alert a member of the DMLE. In the mean-time, please stay alert and careful. Current curfew hours stands, but we will update you as needed.
|
|
| .04 |
[30 Jan 2012|08:13am] |
|
If we're to have Dueling Wireless Takeovers, I demand some better music. No use taking over the world without a bitchin' soundtrack, am I right? If music is the food of life, the Death Eaters and the Order have been feeding us a plate of freshly-ground pepper, and I don't wish to speak for anyone else, but I prefer my terrorist groups to rock out with their cock out, as they say. Bit of constructive criticism, nothing serious. Just wanted to point out this opportunity to really go above and beyond in this whole vigilante thing.
|
|
| .03 |
[24 Jan 2012|07:53pm] |
Who was behind the door: the lady or the tiger?
A question asked often, usually in reading classes under much duress by pimpled adolescents forced to study stories with open-ended solutions. For those of you who have not read this tale, The Lady, Or The Tiger was written in 1882 by Muggle Frank R. Stockton. The details are more or less irrelevant, but the short concludes with imploring the reader to determine whether the central protagonist opens a door to discover his forbidden love, or whether he opens the other door to his orange stripey doom. Happy ending, or tragic? What role does the reader have in determining a story's end? Is he ultimately helpless and at the whim of the author? Or is he a studious agent, his own perceptions and prejudices colouring the trajectory of the story?
Think about a favourite character of yours in literature (or wireless serials, if you're one of those people who doesn't read and therefore I hate you, you waste of illiterate oxygen). A character that you either identify with, admire, are drawn to in that electric, indefinable way, or perhaps even want to bed. Think of how protective you are of that character - now imagine your reaction when someone you are friendly with hates that character. They consider him or her useless, poorly written, unrealistic, or (worst of all!) dull. Your heart breaks. How can their perception be so different from your own? Which is valid? Both - and neither, actually, if The Lady, Or The Tiger can be believed. The artist has created the art, yet, but is divorced of the meaning of it once it's been released out into the wild, so to speak.
So is it the vigilantes or the terrorists, wizarding world? The lawmen or the tyrants? The good or the evil? We'll see how it's framed in a few years.
Incidentally, now that I am cheekily single once again, I am now having to go to pubs in hope that I will eventually score one of these so-called women. You'd be surprised how many of them fall asleep the instant I start discussing Stockton.
|
|
| .02 |
[14 Jan 2012|09:26pm] |
[ Warded to Friends and Family ]
Will someone please see to Rochester this week? I doubt I'll be sleeping at my flat much at all with the sudden vomitous outpouring of work, and he gets antsy without his walk. Someone remind me again why I wanted a Jack Russel and not a goldfish?
[ /Ward ]
'History is that certainty produced at the point where the imperfections of memory meet the inadequacies of documentation.'
So said Patrick Lagrange, a philosopher and historian. Muggle, for those of you who care about that sort of thing. While the pithy way to think of historical record is that history is merely the lies of victors, and the self-delusions of the defeated, I do wonder about this bit of history currently being broadcast on our radio frequencies. Some might view it as an act of defiance, I suppose, against a tyrannical government. Others may see it as a last-gasp of relevancy before more-progressive reform moves through our culture. Still others may see it as the act of a terrorist intending to provoke fear, nothing more, nothing less. Who is defeated, and who is victorious, decides precisely how the act is framed for our children, and our children's children.
However, I would argue that Lagrange had it right - memory tricks. Documentation is always prone to the biases of the one doing the documenting. In 100 years, where will we be when we consider the broadcast? Will it be seen as a symptom of a broader cultural unrest? Or will it simply prove the case that historical record with an eye to the future is the most suspect an iteration of them all?
Also, my schedule is going to be balls this week, so if I die, do remember that I loved you all (and if only I had loved some of you even more than I already do).
|
|
| .01 |
[03 Jan 2012|06:18pm] |
[ Warded Private ]
Resolutions for the New Year
- I will not steal parchment from the supplies cabinet.
- I will not consume three packs of cinnamon gum every week.
- I will get up and do my physical therapy without floo-calling Constance to bitch about how much I hate my Healer because physical therapy is good for me and I don't actually hate him.
- I will project a positive, professional image at work.
- I will not fall into a fit of depression every time Dorcas has a date. I will be a happy and supportive friend. I will not research her boyfriend and attempt to discover that he has committed potential acts of terrorism. Nor will I obsessively watch his journal in the hopes that he says or does something douchey so that I can show Dorcas and have her swear him off. Nor will I drunkenly show up at his house one evening to show him what's what, chicken out, and passive aggressively allow my dog to defecate upon his welcome mat. Nor will I -- you know what, that's enough.
- I will break up with Helene because I am dating her to distract myself and that is hardly fair to her. Also, she has an annoying habit of blowing her nose at the dinner table.
- I will not be a selfish dick every time Charlotte mentions her job.
- I will give up on stupid, stupid fantasies.
- I will eat more vegetables.
[ /Ward ]
I suppose it's politically unfashionable to say it (when has that ever stopped me?), but I have not the slightest bit of unease about the Minister's announcement. It isn't pretty, and I'm certain that few outside a very particular strain of psychopath actually enjoyed making the decision, but if Minster Bagnold and the Wizengamot believe the legalisation and regulation of Unforgivables to be necessary, I cannot argue. Few of those chiding the loudest have had remotely any background in the actual mechanics of hunting, restraining, and fighting a Dark witch or wizard, and those that have -- well, I envy their optimism.
At any rate, it wasn't the cheeriest sort of New Year proposal, was it? Perhaps if they'd done up a catchy little tune - yes, that might have made the entire affair more palatable. A bit of entertainment prior to the lion-throwing.
Those with any moral indignation they have not yet spewed are welcome to leave it here; I more than likely will not be getting back to it unless I'm in a particularly vicious mood, but I am all about "relieving inner stress" and "communication". Be sure to use those "I think" and "I feel" phrases! We mustn't have any hurt feelings.
|
|
